


i don't want the world to see me

by the_jennster



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Deceit Sanders Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Manipulative Deceit Sanders, Remus is a little shit, Sickfic, Suffering, Surprise Kissing, Virgil Aggressively Makes Roman Take Care of Himself, probably not, will i ever finish this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_jennster/pseuds/the_jennster
Summary: “You can’t keep doing this, Ro.” He shook his head. “Some of us actually care about you, you know? And would rather not see you run yourself ragged, especially when Thomas has made it very clear that he can handle things just fine without input from you all the time.”“I’m fine,” Roman mumbled, brushing away Virgil’s hand and forcing a smile. “See? Your knight in shining armor, raring to go.”
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders (one-sided/brief)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	i don't want the world to see me

**Author's Note:**

> this is a thing. and yes, the title is from iris.

“Dammit, Roman,” Virgil said, screwing his lips into a scowl and crossing his arms. The personification of Creativity was sprawled over a chair, dark circles under his eyes and clearly fatigued. Thomas had been scrambling to come up with ideas lately, spreading himself thin, and even with Joan’s help, the source of those ideas was starting to get spread thin, working overtime and giving Thomas everything he had.

It had clearly taken a toll, as Roman’s hair lacked its usual shine and his sash was noticeably disheveled. He didn’t have the energy to respond to Virgil’s barbed comment, only sighing and looking away almost guiltily.

Virgil knelt down beside the other Side, pushing his bangs back and feeling his forehead. Even though it technically wasn’t possible for them to get “sick”, the overuse of their abilities tended to show up in the same ways. And right now, it seemed that Roman was burning a fever.

“You can’t keep doing this, Ro.” He shook his head. “Some of us actually care about you, you know? And would rather not see you run yourself ragged, especially when Thomas has made it _very_ clear that he can handle things just fine without input from you all the time.”

“I’m fine,” Roman mumbled, brushing away Virgil’s hand and forcing a smile. “See? Your knight in shining armor, raring to go.”

Virgil scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You can barely stay awake. Just—Admit that you need _help_ sometimes, asshole? I don’t like seeing you beat up like this. You’ve got to take care of yourself.” He tugged at Roman’s collar, trying to cool him down even slightly, but Roman grabbed his wrist. Virgil didn’t care, continuing on with his rant. “You’re such a righteous, heroic prick, and couldn’t you ever, for one _second_ , think about yourself? And not in that ‘Oh, I’m Roman, everybody fucking loves me’ way that you traipse around when Thomas is making videos. I’m talking about ‘Can’t you maybe consider that _some of us_ don’t want to see someone they care about—”

Roman’s lips were pressed to his with bruising force, so much that Virgil’s first clenched, eyes going wide before closing, practically grimacing into the kiss before Roman pulled away with a tired smile.

“I care about you too, Virgil.” His chest was heaving, heart racing as his hand shook in Roman’s grip. “It just… took me a while to figure out _how_.”

Roman… Roman _kissed him_.

It certainly wasn’t unwanted—Virgil had been nursing a crush for quite a while now, pretty much ever since their “argument” about Disney way back when—but it was certainly unexpected.

They had their _thing_ , their little “rivalry”, but there was a line that neither of them had dared to cross. They could banter, they could joke, they could flirt with the possibility, but the moment that real, actual _feelings_ came into the mix?

No.

No, Virgil hadn’t even let himself consider it.

Even though he’d been reassured time and time again that he was… _included_ , he couldn’t ignore the tenuous sheen of distrust still left over from his time with the Dark Sides. Deceit and Remus were… A lot, to say the least. To say the most would have been to hang out the laundry list of things he feared.

The first of which was losing his friends.

And Roman was his _friend_. He—He couldn’t run the risk of losing him. But…

Roman warily watched him, grip loosening and leaning back. “I’m—I’m sorry. I must have misread—We can just pretend that never happened. Or, better yet, you can mock me about it in front of the others, whatever you—”

This time, Virgil kissed _him._

Hand cautiously coming to rest on his neck, fingers catching in the hair at his nape, breathing in that inexplicable cinnamon scent of _Roman_.

Roman kissed him back, slowly, savoring the feeling of Virgil’s lips on his.

When he finally pulled back, Virgil couldn’t help the small smirk that came after seeing Roman’s dumbstruck smile.

“Wow, if I knew I could shut you up that easily, I would’ve done that a long time ago.”

Roman scoffed. “If I knew you wanted to, I would’ve done it _first_.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Virgil told him with a smile.

“You don’t make sense,” Roman taunted, but it was weightless paired with his soft smile and the way his thumb rubbed along Virgil’s jawline. Virgil leaned forward and kissed him again, doing his best to squash the little worm of anxiety whispering in his ear.

 _What will the others say? What will_ he _say when he finds out you were a Dark Side? Are you really willing to lie to Patton_ again _? You’re just as bad as Deceit. Why are you even kissing him? He’s a hero, and you’re… not._

Virgil pushed away, a hand on Roman’s chest as he closed his eyes and dropped his head. “Can we… Can we maybe _not_ tell the others? _Yet_? I’m—”

“Nervous?” Roman asked with a small smile.

Virgil forced himself to mirror it. “Yeah.”

“Of course,” he reassured him, smiling and brushing Virgil’s hair behind his ear, though it admittedly wasn’t quite long enough for that. “Like I said, I care about you. I’ll respect your decisions.”

Virgil let out a sigh that he hadn’t realized he was holding, pressing one more, fleeting kiss to Roman’s lips, almost to simply prove that he _could_ , before stepping back and smiling a tad awkwardly.

“I’m gonna—go. Take care of yourself,” he said, stumbling over the words mildly and turning a little red at Roman’s grin. “Dumbass,” he added as a parting remark.

Roman sank back into his chair with a sigh that could only be called lovesick, a dopey grin on his face as he thought back over the interaction—of Virgil and his caring words and his _mouth_ —

“Well, well, well,” an all-too-familiar voice sing-songed, appeared behind Roman like a specter. “Cat got your tongue, brother dear?”

“Remus…” Roman began warningly, vividly recalled Virgil’s timidity when he’d asked to keep… _this_ a secret. “If you do one thing right, you won’t tell anyone else.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Princey. I won’t blab on your and Virge’s dirty little secret. I care for him too.” His tone was saccharine and sour at the same time and Roman couldn’t help but scowl. “Even if I did talk, you know better than anyone…” Remus leaned over the chair, sporting a wild grin. “I’m just the crazy one. Nobody believes a word I say.”

“Don’t go putting money on it,” Roman threatened, conjuring a washcloth that he pressed to his forehead with only a shred of hesitation. _If being sick gets Virgil to kiss me_ , he reasoned, _maybe I should do it more often._

Remus returned to the Dark Side after his brother’s parting threat, munching on a stick of deodorant as he wandered towards Deceit’s room. Ah, the kind of things the manipulative Side could do with a secret like _that_. Creativity and Anxiety, in a secret relationship? A disaster in the making.

Just what he liked.

“Oh, _Dee_ ,” Remus greeted, entering Deceit’s room without permission. “Have I got some _news_ for you!”

Days later, Virgil was still riding the high of those kisses when he entered his room and found Roman trailing a hand over his shelf of shitty angst poetry that Thomas wrote as a teenager, borrowed from Patton’s room because even he had to admit, there were a few good ones in there (not many, but a _few_ ). He was considering suggesting a few to be revamped as song lyrics and was just thinking of bringing them to Roman.

“Ro!” Virgil cried, briefly making sure that his door was closed before grabbing the (infuriatingly) taller side by the shoulder and kissing him. Roman froze at first, clearly still getting used to the idea of… _them_ , but kissed him back moments later, turning to face him better, arm winding around his waist. His hand slid between Virgil’s t-shirt and jacket, fingers digging into the soft flesh of his waist, and for some reason, that made Virgil’s stomach churn. “Roman,” he began, pulling away for a breath, only to be pulled back forcefully and have their hips collide. “Get _off_ me.” He wormed an arm between their chests and forced him back, shaking with the wrongness of it all. Roman stared at him with an unfamiliar solemnness. “What is _up_ with you?” he asked, resisting the urge to wipe his lips, figuring that wasn’t exactly the _best_ way to get a relationship started. “You seem… off.”

“Apologies,” Roman said stiffly, still watching him closely with that strange look in his eye. “I was just thinking…”

Virgil forced a smile. “You know how dangerous that can be.”

“We can’t do this.”

His stomach plummeted. “Wh-what? I thought you said—”

“I was wrong. You and I just don’t work.” His expression took on a hint of cruelty and that realization hit Virgil was a familiar _pang_. “After all, you’re… A Dark Side, aren’t you?”

His heart raced. _This is it. He hates you. He’s going to tell the others. You’re going to lose all of your friends and you’ll be all alone again and this time, not even Deceit will take you back._ “Where did you—Who told you that?”

“Remus,” Roman said without hesitation. “He wanted to _bond_ or some shit. Because we’re ‘brothers’.” The words stung. He and Remus had held no real loyalties for each other back in the day, but he hadn’t thought… Would he have really sold him out so quickly?

“Roman, I’m sorry, I—I told _Thomas_.”

“You told Thomas, but not us?”

“I was taking baby steps! I—I didn’t want _this_ to happen!”

“What? For me to find out you’re a monster like Deceit?”

The words hit like knives in his back. “Roman, _please_ —”

“Don’t, Virgil. Just… don’t.” Roman walked to his door, pausing. “Either tell Logan and Patton the truth or… _leave_.”

If metaphysical doors could slam, his certainly did.

And Virgil dropped to his floor, hands shaking uncontrollably as he began to sob, thoughts in a sickening spiral.

Deceit shed his disguise the moment he left Virgil’s room, hearing the beginning of the Side’s sobs with a tinge of guilt.

Virgil… truly cared for Roman. For the “Light Sides”.

In a way that he had obviously never cared about _him_.

His lips still buzzed from the stolen kiss, flashes of Virgil’s angered face as he pushed him away still vivid.

 _Why_? He asked. _Why did you have to leave? Why didn’t you come_ back _?_

 _Why couldn’t you choose_ me _?_


End file.
